Sunday, 23 April 2017

It's Okay If Your Career Doesn't Go To Plan

If you would have told 6 year old Sophie that she would be 21 and working two customer service jobs earning minimum wage she would have probably never left the four walls of her bedroom.

I am not where I wanted to be nor am I where I thought I would be.

I kinda thought I'd be working up London living off caramel macchiatos with a mortgage under my belt but ya know.

You don't go to school to get a job working in a call centre, at least I didn't because I am pretty dead certain there should be more to anyone's life than working in customer service, unless of course you enjoy people being dicks to you in which case I am eternally jealous.

For me at least I am not following my dreams, mostly because I don't know what they are.

So here I am, yet another young adult with no clue on where they want to go in life, likely story I know but it's so hard to understand just how demoralising it feels when it's not happening to you. It feels like you're swimming against a tide and for the life of you you can't catch a break. It's just an endless cycle of working shitty jobs that you don't particularly like, searching indeed for something half decent yet giving up after 0.36451 seconds because NO you don't want to work for free in the middle of London at the off chance they'll keep you on after 6 months because yeah I actually like to eat.

I've tried working in the city in a swanky PR firm, I drank Starbucks and ate Pret's mac n cheese everyday for about 6 weeks and it was bloody brilliant, I felt like Carrie Bradshaw. Then the tiredness kicked in, the long commutes on the central line where I spent my time eyeing up all of the seats that I couldn't sit down on.

The only responsibility I've ever had in a job before was making sure I didn't burn toast and even if I did, well fuck it just throw it in the bin and no one will ever know, turns out in London my biggest stress was making sure I got 60 regional newspaper journalists on board with a huge brand campaign in less than 48 hours.

I swiftly left with my starbucks in hand.

I've also tried interning, in all honesty I'm not passionate enough about re-organising fashion cupboards, I would rather a Primark rack. I know most girls would dream of interning for magazines and writing for websites and whilst I am eternally grateful for all the opportunities I have been given I know they are not my dreams, they are somebody elses.

I was actually due to start a course last week, it was a 6 week introductory course to counselling, something close to my heart and something I genuinely feel I could be good at, it might not be my ultimate dream but you don't know until you try right? Well, the course was cancelled because not enough people signed up and they failed to tell me so not only had I booked off the next 6 weeks from work I had also travelled to London for absolutely nothing.

Like I say, swimming against a current,
a very strong one.

I mean, this is my life but none the less, I am not giving up. Admittedly I did for like 10 minutes when I had a cry in my car and I splurged £65 on Zara because I needed to feed my pain with pretty new things but I snapped out of it because ya know it's okay to hit a few bumps in the road. Clearly there was something about that course that just wasn't meant to be and as frustrating as that is it's no reason to give up.

Moral of that story is I now don't believe in dreams, I believe in realities, I may absolutely hate counselling and it may be the worst career option in my history of admittedly not very good career paths but the point is unless I try I won't know. It's good to keep your options open, it's sensible, some say sensible is boring but I say sensible is comfortable and after a whirlwind of bad choices I bloody love the sound of comfortable.

The life plans that we create for ourselves are just guidelines, very rough ones and nine times out of ten they prob won't end up being our realities. You just gotta throw your hair in a messy bun and figure it out, take a course or go to college, work in Tesco or work in London, just do what you gotta do.

No matter how much money you earn or how talented you are nothing is worth more than your happiness.

I guess besides me telling myself I am doing just fine this post is a reminder to anyone else that it's okay to not have the foggiest idea what you are doing <3