Tuesday, 23 August 2016

Dear Diary - Friend Envy

So one of my friends recently landed her dream job and of course that's amazing and I sent her all of the emojis just to express my joy and happiness for her because bloody hell does she deserve it. I also then retrieved to hop into my car, drive to Tesco and purchase a bottle of Barefoot Rose because as happy as I was for her, it also made me feel a little bit rubbish. Why? Because I deffo do not have my shit together and honestly I'm a little teeny bit jealous.

Does this make me a rubbish friend?

The majority of my friends now have pretty good jobs, a decent salary and a generally happy existence, don't get me wrong some of them still work stupidly unsociable hours and get ridiculously excited when Tesco put out the reduced meat selection. Those are the mates I can chill with until 2am whilst we munch on cheese and wine and they are my ultimate babes.

Then I have my friends who cant drink wine until 2am because they actually have grown up work to do and blah blah blah, and who am I kidding I don't even want to be drinking wine until 2am and eating cheese that breaks me out. I actually want a 9-5 too.

I sometimes just cant help but feel a bit sorry for myself, how awful of me to even say that, I know we are all expected to feel motivated and raring to go at 7am after we've supposedly just finished our pilates session and eaten a goji berry smoothie but honestly I would rather eat pancakes and watch This Morning. Sometimes I like feeling a little bit pathetic, sometimes I like to feel sorry for myself because I have a crappy job and cant really afford the new Topshop play suit I've just splurged on and the fact no one in the world wants to offer me a job interview. Is that okay with everyone?

I guess what I'm trying to say is its okay if your life hasn't quite come together as you hoped by now, even if everyone else around you is succeeding and living the dream its not entirely awful that you haven't yet got there too. This is me trying to convince myself that this is true, this is me also trying to excuse the way I feel because admitting these feelings seems awful but I really do think its more common than we like to admit. I love my friends like nothing else and when they cry and feel pain, believe me I feel it too, I just sometimes wish we could all feel the same happiness, does that make sense?

FYI: I just text my friend and I'm taking her out for cocktails to celebrate because even though I feel a frantic need to update my cv right now I love her and she totally deserves it.